Smoke Screen
by Ari-chan
Summary: A mind has been lost, a lover torn, but they should have seen it coming: Haruka dwells on Michiru's lack of emotion, and her illness.(2 chap contains explaination of illness for those who asked) R&R please.
1. Default Chapter

Smoke Screen Rated: PG-13 By: Ari-chan  
  
Notes and Disclaimers: Wow. I haven't done this in a while. Apologies to all. I just haven't been in the writing mood. But, whilst listening to some music the other day I was blessed with some inspiration from the great KD Lang ::bows to worship:: And that is the song used in this. You really need to listen to the song, because it has such feeling in it. ::sighs:: it makes me want to cry every time I hear it!  
  
Haruka, Michiru and all related characters belong to Naoko-sama, and the song belongs to KD and her people. ^^  
  
Dedicated to my puddy- may we never be like this.  
  
-The medicine has taken you over  
  
Washing away any desire-  
  
I looked at her as she stared blankly at the wall, her eyes totally vacant. They lacked any emotion. I wanted to go up to her, grab her by the shoulders and shake her shoulders until she came around. She had promised me so long ago that she wouldn't go to her own world and leave me behind.  
  
My watch beeped and I nearly moaned. I knew what that sound meant. Michiru knew too, she looked up at me, the same blank expression as when she had been looking at the wall. Did she know how much that hurt?  
  
I walked over to the dresser and poured out her medicine. Counting the tiny pills in my hand. Two of this kind, three of that, and the kicker, the killer of emotions... only one of those but it did it's fair amount of harm.  
  
I slipped them into the hands that had once held her instrument, that had once held mine, and felt me. I pulled my chair closer until I sat directly in front of her; I stared into her eyes as she swallowed the pills all at once, without water. She stared back at me.  
  
"Michiru," I whispered softly and kissed her forehead. I wanted to take her, and hold her, and make love to her. But she made no attempt to respond.  
  
-How does it feel at the end of the day  
  
When your energy's gone and it's slowly  
  
replaced  
  
By the numbing sensation  
  
Cleaning both sides of your brain-  
  
Everyday for years it had been like this, slowly getting worse, but what could I have done? Left her a prisoner of her own mind? I loved her too much for that. The doctors said nothing could help her now; I just had to be there for her. They didn't even know what she had! They jammed the prescriptions in my hands and I just jammed the pills in her hands. I had no idea what they were doing to her only that. she wasn't her anymore.  
  
-I remember the stars in your eyes  
  
But even the bright stars will fade out  
  
sometimes-  
  
I sighed again; staring deeply into her eyes did no good. They weren't like the ocean anymore. They were like a calm, flat piece of silk. Beautiful and vibrant with the light bouncing and shimmering off of it, but they never moved unless touched. And nothing I did touched her anymore.  
  
I ran my hands over her face, felt the contours of her cheekbones, kissed the dark circles under her eyes and ran my hands through her hair.  
  
"Do you even know me anymore?" I asked her. She averted her eyes for a moment then let out a sigh. At least I had gotten some sort of response.  
  
-Do you remember our very last kiss  
  
Are you aware that you're terribly missed  
  
Do you remember how to remember-  
  
I stood up and bending over her raised her chin with my hand. My lips meet hers, and they gave way at once. Yielding to me, yet I knew she didn't feel it. Or, on the contrary, if she did I wouldn't have known. I sat back down and took her hand, letting my fingers tips drag over hers. Feeling the calluses that were slowly going down.  
  
I should have known years ago, when the signs first started appearing. When that maniacal look had crept in her eyes and she went about mumbling to herself. Or she would snap at me, or totally forget who I was. I should have known that one day it would have led to something like this. But I had been a fool, blinded by love that's what I had been.  
  
I had been told by doctors to leave her in an institution and go on life. But how could I leave behind my best friend, my lover, my one and only. Yet, I should have known... I should have known.  
  
I pulled Michiru up into my arms and lay us down on the bed. She lay listless in my arms as I listened to her heartbeat. Suddenly I felt her grip around me tighten.  
  
"Haruka," she said so softly I almost couldn't hear her. "We should have known, we have seen it."  
  
-I should have seen through your smoke screen-  
  
  
  
There ya go, somewhat odd, and somewhat depressing but weren't the lyrics great? ::sobs:: Oi, KD. thank you for singing that song.  
  
Please leave a review-dieing to know what you thought. Good or bad, just please, be constructive!! Or, you can e-mail at me at MichiTenoh36@aol.com, with fanfiction as the subject. Thanks! 


	2. Looking Back

Looking Back  
  
Notes and Disclaimers: Of the reviews I got, many asked about Michiru. to tell the truth- I'm not all to sure what she had either. I looked over the list of symptoms that I had given Michiru, then tried to match them with some disorders. Of the ones I looked at, Schizophrenia seemed the most likely. But that would contradict about that doctors not ever knowing what she had. Anyway, since people wanted to know what happened, and I like to pay attention of peoples thoughts on my writing.. I decided to write another chapter, trying to explain Michiru's illness. The unknown illness that is.  
  
Michiru and Haruka do not belong to me-sorry to disappoint you guys.  
  
  
  
Her skin was flushed as I rolled off her and smiled lazily. She ran a hand through my hair and told me that she loved me. I told her I loved her too. She said I looked like a schoolboy with my hair tousled and that made me grin, and her giggle. But the security and happiness we felt would be snatched away in less time than we thought.  
  
I don't know when it started, but not soon after we had gotten married. She started to just fade away. She would stare for more than two minutes at an object, her eyes becoming a blank slate. Or sometimes she'd see a certain thing and a demonic smile would creep over her face, and a maniacal look into her eyes. Then she started talking to herself. Mumbling at first, every now and then. But it got worse. She would say things like "No, no Michiru! It wouldn't like that!" or "Now you know you shouldn't be doing that, it's wrong It wouldn't like that." I had no idea what to do.  
  
Next came her sudden mood swings. In the middle of a happy conversation she would yell at me and tell me that it was all my fault. What, I didn't know, and still don't know. In the midst of making love she would just stop and tell me to never touch her again.  
  
But I had no intention of giving up. I dragged her to every physiatrist in Japan, then to America hoping they would us. They knew nothing of her condition and didn't know what to do. They gave her pills to take, suggesting that she was perhaps just going through a stage, or that she had split personality. But both proved false. They treated her for depression; post traumatic stress disorder, anything you can think of. But nothing worked.  
  
The medicine worked like a lobotomy on Michiru. Soon she said almost nothing to me. She would still sometimes murmur that she loved me and always would but that was all. No one could a hold a conversation with her. It was obvious she was a victim of her own mind.  
  
A victim of her own mind, trapped inside the dwellings that had held her safe. Her mind is shattered, lost in the sands of time and there is nothing I can do to help. All I can do is love her and pray that she'll that no matter what she knows that and that she knows she stills loves me.  
  
  
  
Yes, I know. that was not like the first chapter. But you guys wanted an explanation so here it is. Review please! 


End file.
